Experiencing performance anxiety in the bedroom? From taking it slow to letting go of goals, how to overcome it as a man OR woman
- Performance anxiety is something a variety of people feel in the bedroom
- A Sydney relationship and sexuality coach shed light on how she helps clients
- Prem Kalpa's tips vary from not setting goals and making sure you say thank you
Sex often plays an important part in people's relationships as it allows two people to become closer, but what do you do if you have performance anxiety?
A Sydney-based relationship and sexuality coach, Prem Kalpa, has shed light on how she helps her clients get the most they can from the bedroom.
One of the things that may be stopping you from feeling connected during sex is approaching it with a goal - and that is whether you're a man or a woman.
A Sydney-based relationship and sexuality coach has shed light on how she helps her clients get the most they can from the bedroom
'When sexual acts result in you feeling stressed or anxious, your body releases stress hormones to prepare for a fight or flight situation,' Prem told myBody+Soul.
'In this state, you are making love from the frontal cortex of the brain and you may feel a level of performance anxiety separates you from being "inside" of the experience, observing how you perform, thinking about your next move, wondering what to make for dinner.'
Focusing on reaching the climax is what leaves people feeling agitated, which results in the rise of anxiety.
Although male performance anxiety is spoken about quite openly and there is easy access to information, the experience of women isn't spoken about nearly as much.
Focusing on reaching the climax is what leaves people feeling agitated, which results in the rise of anxiety
This event is something that can be experienced by everyone and can present itself in a myriad of ways.
Prem explained that when you are operating your frontal cortex you are less likely to feel pleasure and will most likely be paying attention to your safety.
When this part of the brain is activated you will be focusing on the climax rather than being caught in the moment.
This is why approaching sex without a goal is most beneficial as you are more likely to get lost in the experience and feel more sensation and pleasure.
To distinguish whether you may be having performance anxiety, pay attention to whether you are having a loud internal dialogue and whether your body isn't responding to external stimulus.
If both or either of these things are happening to you, chances are you are.
To distinguish whether you may be having performance anxiety pay attention to whether you are having a loud internal dialogue and whether your body isn't responsive to external stimulus
Sex is a powerful way that humans express themselves but unfortunately not everyone is able to experience the bliss of the experience due to the expectations they place on themselves.
Perm's main tip to help your partner through this is to move the attention away from your partner's arousal and focus on what is happening in the moment.
'I hear it often, countless lovers are confused when one moment their partner is really turned on, they feel connected and in the moment.
'Then the next moment her body feels cold, turned off and she has no desire. She can go from “on to off” in seconds,' Prem explained.
Perm's main tip to help your partner through this is to move the attention away from your partner's arousal and focus on what is happening in the moment
There are many things that you can do to help relieve the stress and pressure that your partner is feeling, such as agreeing to let go of any goals in the bedroom.
This way, there is a shift away from goals to sensation.
Another tip is to speak about each of your desires and say thank you when one of you makes an adjustment as it's an effective term of encouragement which fosters feelings of connection.
Finally, go slow to allow your body to absorb what it is feeling while also ignoring how you feel like you should be moving.
Prem recommends listening to your own body and paying attention to how it wants to move and forget what it's 'supposed' to look like.
