Ashley Pearson
The first thing you should know is that when you are over 35 and trying to conceive, everyone around you will immediately fall pregnant. Literally, everyone.
'Hey, did you know that Emma’s expecting?' started one late morning phone call, 'they weren't even trying and it was a total surprise and at first she wasn't sure how she felt about it but now she's over the moon.'
'Oh!' you swallow hard and try to sound excited, 'that's wonderful.'
In my case it felt as though every woman, trying or not trying, gay or straight, single or married... was pregnant.
One friend was pushing 40, living overseas and exhausted with looking for Mr Right. After some careful thought she decided to use the services of an anonymous donor.
She ordered frozen sperm online - using a tall, dark-haired donor with similar taste in film - and shipped it over.
She fell pregnant on the very first round. The next week I got word that another good friend, 41 years old, had met a new guy on a business trip, slept with him once and fallen pregnant. And he had previously had a vasectomy.
Another woman I'd worked with had hooked up with her flatmate after one too many Flaming Sambucas one evening and was now expecting, while a further married acquaintance was on birth control and yet still managed to conceive.
Tales like these were everywhere, and while on the one hand they gave me hope, in the main they only served to make my self-pity - and, yes, self-loathing - worse.
Things were made even more difficult because of my job: writing about celebrities.
Why was 2012 was the year half of Hollywood and London got pregnant? A baby bump became a de rigueur accessory: Reese Witherspoon, Jessica Simpson, Drew Barrymore, Gisele Bundchen, Lara Stone, Fearne Cotton, Kristen Bell, Sophie Dahl, Claire Danes, Kim Kardashian...
Even the future queen, the Duchess of Cambridge, had a baby on the way. It felt like they were everywhere, taunting me with their rounded bellies.
Ashley Pearson doesn't understand why as soon as she began trying to conceive, everyone around her fell pregnant
Like some of you reading this, I was an 'older' hopeful mother-to-be. Despite the savage things written about the brigade of selfish, career-obsessed women who leave it too late, I, like most of my peers, simply hadn't met the right man when I was in my 20s and bursting with fertility.
It's not that I was putting it off or wasn't looking, or that I was too fussy and turning down all manner of suitable candidates.
Believe me, he just wasn't among them. I did eventually find him, at the age of 37, and married him at a ripe old 39. We started trying for a baby immediately, on our honeymoon, and yet here I was, 40 years old and still nothing was happening.
It wasn't very helpful that articles appeared daily in newspapers and magazines sharply reminding me of the negatives. I call it terrorising the older mum.
'Risks of miscarriage skyrocket after 40', 'My IVF hell', 'How infertility destroyed my marriage', 'How my selfish decision to have IVF after 40 lead to my child's Down Syndrome', 'The day my baby dreams died', they went on and on.
I never found one that seemed to say anything positive... or even hopeful.
Not wanting to waste any more time I started seeing doctors almost immediately to see if anything was wrong. But apparently it wasn't.
The Duchess of Cambridge, left, is due to give birth in July, and Fearne Cotton, right, has a baby boy called Rex
There are all kinds of invasive and uncomfortable tests that could be done, and I had them all. Which in some ways made it even more complicated, because I was left to wonder what was wrong.
'As I see it, the main problem is your age,' said one rather direct OB. Occasionally, some of the insensitivity I encountered from doctors reeling off statistics about how dismal my chances of conception were due to my geriatric status - especially at a time when you feel hugely vulnerable - was shocking.
Ashley married at 39 and began trying for a baby immediately
I found private doctors far more sympathetic than NHS ones, perhaps because you were paying them to be tactful.
Things came to a head one night over dinner with a long-time friend I hadn’t seen in years. She arrived - you guessed it - hugely pregnant.
I knew she'd been trying for years for a baby and had had several rounds of IVF, and I really was genuinely delighted for her. I was also literally hanging on her every word. She was utterly radiant.
After hurriedly getting small talk and pleasantries out of the way, she finally enlightened me: 'Look, the answer for me was this - I finally found the right clinic with the right protocol for me, which in my case was London's ARGC.'
'They realised what the other places I'd been going to failed to see. It was really intensive but I did everything they said and after eight years of trying we are finally about to meet our little boy.'
We both had tears in our eyes as she proceeded to tell me her amazing story.
As I listened to her I realised two things. The first was not to give up hope until you're sure you're ready to. The second was that while her solution certainly might not work for everyone, it worked for her, and I was determined to find the unique path that would be ours.
Ashley Pearson says it's important not to give up hope in your quest to get pregnant until you are ready to do so
I called the fertility clinic for an initial consult. There was a three month wait for an appointment, so in the meantime I booked a series of sessions with acupuncture fertility specialist Emma Cannon.
I knew she had some bestselling books on Amazon, but more importantly, a girlfriend had run into mother-of-two Sophie Dahl in her waiting room... which was enough of an endorsement for me.
She said to me: 'Based on what you've told me, I have no doubt you will get pregnant, Ashley, you just have to be patient for the right moment'
Arriving at Emma's Chelsea clinic I felt relaxed immediately. The whole atmosphere - the dove grey walls, the pink striped couch, the smell of scented candles, the receptionist speaking in hushed soft tones - soothed me.
When I met the woman herself - think glamorous and sophisticated Earth mother - I felt immediately calm.
Dubbed The Baby-Maker for her success at getting her patients pregnant, Emma combines a wealth of knowledge about Chinese medicine with cutting-edge Western developments. I was literally getting the best of both worlds.
After asking questions about my health, my relationship with my husband and my personal history, she looked me in the eye and said: 'Based on what you've told me, I have no doubt you will get pregnant, Ashley, you just have to be patient for the right moment.'
'The first thing you should know is that when you are over 35 and trying to conceive, everyone around you will immediately fall pregnant. Literally, everyone'
She then started the acupuncture while I peppered her with questions. But why was it taking so long? Had I indeed left it too late?
She answered: 'The thing we know is this: women do get pregnant in their 40s, many with relative ease - what we don't always know is which ones will be successful.
'My message to women now is that you need to engage in your fertility in your 20s and 30s if you want to have children when the timing is right for you'
'My message to women now is that you need to engage in your fertility in your 20s and 30s if you want to have children when the timing is right for you. That’s not to say you need to have your babies young, but you can take steps earlier in life to preserve health and fertility.'
For example? 'Binge drinking, so prevalent in our culture, is playing havoc with women's hormones.
'There really is no safe way to protect yourself fertility-wise if you regularly partake in that, particularly if you want to wait until later to have your babies.'
She added: 'Using condoms is another example of something you can do right now, as STIs can have a massive impact on later fertility.'
'I left feeling enlightened and even a bit lighter on my feet. I still had a long way to go, but in my heart I knew my journey was beginning'
As I lay back with the tiny needles in, I was riveted. I'd never talked to anyone about this before. It's perhaps unsurprising that a recent survey showed most women my age know twice as much about Brazilian waxing than they do about preserving their fertility.
Emma explained how she sees hundreds of women struggling to conceive, and was moved to write about this topic.
Her new book Total Fertility tackles the subject of what women can do, at whatever stage they’re in, to protect their fertility.
She's dedicated it to her two daughters, in hope they learn something my generation is perhaps figuring out only now.
I left feeling enlightened and even a bit lighter on my feet. I still had a long way to go, but in my heart I knew my journey was beginning.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2311053/Why-EVERYONE-pregnant-youre-35-desperate-conceive-ASHLEY-PEARSON-pain-wanting-baby.html#ixzz2ROkdnI4L
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